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New App Strikes Fear into the Hearts of Cell Phone Thieves
Every worry that some nimble rouge my swipe your cell phone when you least expect it? A new application called nAlertMe is geared towards guarding your precious mobile from wood be thieves and curious parents. The nAlertMe is designed to emit a very loud noise when you cell phone is moved quickly and abruptly in an unnatural manner. Worried that your sneaky girlfriend may rummage through your old text messages? nAlertMe is appears to be the way to go. While the app isn't available yet, the Funtonia staff can’t wait to use it to set a trap for the cleaning crew who we suspect of nefarious activity. The only problem with nAlertMe is if it ever becomes really popular. Can you imagine cell phones yelling and barking in every corner of a public setting? Not only will that…
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Carriers Drop the Ball on Hurricane Ike Charity
A debacle of epic proportions has occurred in what appeared to be an innocent and generous attempt to help victims of Hurricane Ike, which has ravaged much of Houston and Galveston, TX. The American Red Cross has launched a mobile fundraiser where wireless users can donate as little as $5 via text messaging to help fellow Americans in need. So where is the scandal you ask? This from the heart text messaging is available for customers of participating wireless carriers. Only Alltel, AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile and Verizon are participating in the fundraiser. Why did the other carriers choose not to participate? Even if they were involved in other charitable activities, it is inconceivable to this Funtonian as to why ALL carriers aren’t participating. The biggest piece of…
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Major Ruling for Wireless Privacy
Government tyranny took a major slap in the face several days ago when a judge from the Western District of Pennsylvania ruled that historical cell phone location data found in communication towers required a search warrant. Organizations in the United States that promote fascists and dictator like principles such as the IRS, FBI, Homeland Security and Wal-Mart argued that historical cell phone data should not require probable cause. However, Judge Terrance F. McVerry rejected the administration’s claim, expressing a concern regarding the government’s communist manifesto. We should all be applauding McVerry’s courageous ruling that is sure to cause him some damage in inner government circles. It is about time that big brother and his short sighted henchmen realize that…
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The New Velocity 103
Velocity Mobile has announced the retail release of its first ever touch screen phone – The Velocity 103. Velocity uses an Odyssey interface that was developed to collaborate with Windows Mobile 6.1 and the Velocity Over The Air. (VOTA) The Velocity comes with a 2 megapixel camera and a MicroSD expansion slot. Memory specks include 256MB ROM, 128MB RAM and a robust screen that is set at 640x480 VGA. Velocity president David Hayes summed up the ideology behind the Velocity in one sentence: "Consumers these days are demanding more from their phones. Our research tells us that people want experiences, not applications and functions." Regardless of what Velocity was thinking when they constructed this beauty of a cell phone, it looks as if the quality and design…
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New Commission to Advise on Mobile Consumer Regulation
A new commission has been created that will be responsible for consumer protection in the mobile industry. This new commission, created by the National Association of Regulatory Utility Commissioners, (NARUC) will attempt to curb fascist practices and business tactics that have become standard by cell phone carriers in the United States. Commissioner John Burke of Vermont will be heading this crusade of epic proportions that will surely encounter a merciless and uphill battle in an attempt to set new standards in wireless phone service. Funtonians and other cell phone users shouldn’t expect any radical changes in the near future as this commission will encounter countless road blocks and pitfalls in its battle against the forces of evil. In a country that often…
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Tetris for the Cell Phone
EA has strengthened its mighty grip on mobile gaming by releasing a new version of the timeless Tetris franchise called Pop. This time around, the classic video game that refuses to die quietly will come jam packed with new features that are guaranteed to make the average Tetris lover drool on his mobile device. Tetris Pop will include an incredible 17 different versions including Detonator, Circuit, Furnace and Vanilla. There are also three play moods: Pop allows the player to immerse themselves in a Tetris adventure which spans 22 levels across eight different worlds. Chrono lets the player alter the time limit and then there is Mix mode, which allows players to customize the gaming experience to their own personal preferences. Even thought Tetris really is…
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The New Condom Ringtone
India’s ravenous appetite for sexuality has always been the stuff legends are made of. From rumors of huge village orgies to out of control Bombay babes, (or should they be known as Mumbai Mommas) the government of India has always had their hands full at keeping their population under control. Enter the condom ringtone. An a cappella sung by Vijay Prakash, the condom ringtone is a reminder to Indians everywhere to strap on their helmets before going in. The ringtone can be found at www.condomcondom.org or by texting ‘Condom’ to 56887. Reports of huge demand across India for this special ringtone were greatly exaggerated, with a total 257,744 sms requests – not much when one considers India’s population of about 12 trillion people. While demand for the condom ringtone…
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National Geographic Announces New Mobile Service
Lions, Tigers and Bears are about to hit the mobile screen with the announcement that National Geographic has signed a distribution agreement with PlayPhone for ringtones and wallpapers. National Geographic will also be releasing plenty of videos and other related content via WAP. (Mobile Internet) It’s nice to see something wholesome and innocent finally enter the cellular industry (not that we don’t like porn and sports scores) and such a powerful brand name like National Geographic is sure to do wonders in the growing mobile internet market. The target market will obviously not be teens and tweens, but will predominantly focus on bored adults and social studies enthusiasts. Much like the age old tradition of reading a newspaper, some National Geographic fans who…
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AT&T and Apple Face Lawsuit
With the United States experiencing more civil law suits than ever before, it was only a matter of time before some disgruntled iPhone customer with too much time on his hand sued AT&T and Apple. William Gillis has slapped AT&T and Apple with a lawsuit where he claims the two mega corporations promised faster speeds and over sold their product. The reasoning here is that so many iPhones were sold, that the 3G network would often eject users because of a lack of network resources. While this lawsuit carries merit, it would be prudent to remind Mr. Gillis that the iPhone was overhyped to begin with and really couldn’t stand up to bold statements made by Apple regarding its quality. Does Gillis’ claim have any legs? Not really, because the United States is only free and…
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A Teddy Bear that Doubles as a Phone
I always suspected that something was a bit off with the Japanese. A weird mixture of 21st century technology and 5th century apartments was the main reason for this twilight zone feeling. Now however, this feeling ripened to fact with the possibility of the new bear phone. That’s right Funtonians, a phone bear was on display at an event in Japan recently and rumors have it that the crowd adored the furry bugger. Apparently, you terminate phone calls by pressing the bear’s tail and other types of similar nonsense that has pretty much downgraded the Japanese in my personal world stigma ranking to just below the mighty Eskimos. Maybe I’m too westernized and stupid to get it, but what’s the point? You can put it in your pocket, you look utterly comical on the bus or street…
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Jane 12/21/2011
"I just wanted to thank you guys for listening to the users!"
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